one good night=]

tonight was my friends 21st... she was soo tiny even in her heels.. it was so cute. anyways i was quite lazy in the morning still bummed but slowly the day passed without me actually doing anything. just repeats of one song and me singing like crazy lol... the joys of being home alone.
anyways i got ready about 5pm put on my killer shoes (killer as in feet death) and black tank, black jeans and my blazer with my "face" on.. and dont forget my little golden bow... yes im still obsessed with my bows, i felt tall and dressed but not formal=] kinda in my comfort zone. and then as i walked i realised why i dont wear heels.... ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO WALK!!!! why do girls DO IT???!!! why the pain of it all?
but the place was really nice.. it was a chilled cafe with lots of delicious canapés and good people. i felt sooo much like myself. i was loud and crazy enough though my feet hurt it was good=]. there were people i had never met before but yet i was able to maintain a healthy conversation. people i hadnt seen in ages to which i was like OMGSH YOU!!!!! and just the usual which were like=]. i dunno sometimes i fit in sometimes i dont. theres always a sense that im an outsider but today it didnt really bother me. who cares about their inside jokes? but yes it was a good night, but it did get me thinking about  my 21st.. lol yes i know its in like 3 years. but im thinking bout speeches and what amazing friends she had.... friends that actually cared for her and wrote her songs and like were so nervous they spent the whole beginning of the party just freaking out. it just left me thinking who do i want to speak at my 21. a couple names came to mind. i really want harps to speak at my 21st no one would know her but it would mean so much to me. i was considering having my 21st in england but then figured i have no friends there....
but yes i had a coffee like at 11pm so im still highly awake considering i have church tomorrow i wont be able to sleep... lets just hope ill wake up on time.
so when i got home... before i showered.. a little high from the caffeine fix i took a photo...

i call it the after shot

NO FRINGEEEE!!!.. lol yeah i still have my "face" on 

TIME FOR SOME TV!!!!

hearts, li-ming

Make me your radio, turn me up when you feel low

Yesterday was a semi good day... I spent most the time just going spastic but I guess it was a form of anger release. Also I was given tons of "useful" advice and realised I'm really stupid or my brain isn't screwed on properly. There are things that just annoy. I'm talking about away from the situation, your all good but once it's placed in your face, or you go looking you go rage crazy, but there's no reason to. It's just the idea, the presence that makes you crazy. And yet again I will return to the thought of pettiness, you don't want to be so petty but it just cannot be helped. It's just this instant feeling you get as soon as you see the situation. I hate the fact that you search for it for some "reassurance" but all you get is disappointment. It's so hard to just not bother anymore. You can never depend on people, no one's trustworthy no matter how much you've trusted them before. Cause things change and soon you'll go rage crazy. Everything that you considered fun once before is no longer the same. There are plans... I guess but these plans must be shifted just to squeeze into the changing times.
No one reads my blog anymore, so basically I could expel everything I want here, but that just results in you actually facing your problems head on. I normally write stories to release everything but today... This time... I just can't be bothered I just have no energy to keep the creative need in me up.
Anyways more about the joys of yesterday... We met steeplejacks:) yes they aren't famous but their music was really good and their bass guitarist was pretty cool, it was a good night, sometimes being a leader has it's perks. Anyways it's about time I do something productive...

hearts, li-ming

"....From London, United Kingdom"

hearts, li-ming

when things render you speechless

mmmm
today i dunno what to say.. i just have a mountain of anger, well its not anger it just me wanting to throw something... which was close to being my phone.. lucky i kept it in my bag most of the day.
today i went to ballarat....
sovereign hill... yeah it wasnt the trip i imagined it to be honestly... but you know i made the most of it
anyways i really wanted to blog properly but im feeling a bit touchy and lazy
maybe next time

its the end of an era...

maybe isolation is the key, nothing is worth thought, effort or even tears

hearts, li-ming

tunnel vision

we've always been told to look outside the box, explore and think, not only on the obvious but on whats lurking within the shadows. its been ingrained in our minds from an early age, and since then we do it without thought. nothing is as simple as it seems anymore, especially for those who's brains just wont stop circulating in continuous thoughts. Sometimes we need to stop thinking and just do. Do not step back and observe. But step in and get lost with it all. things are simpler than they seem.
The bigger picture, has extra minute details, details that are not required, details that causes a person to over think. Its hard to block them out, hard to focus on what we need to know, but instead, as we've been taught there is more than meets the eye, and we must analyse this. Tunnelling our vision, if only this was easy, life would be so much better.. there would no complications to life.

I need to stop thinking, I need to stop observing, I need to stop stalking....

Today instead of doing my practical report, i'm watching top gear, in my sausage smelling clothes and track pants. I'm dreading the last bit of work i need to do before my anatomy study... one more week of uni, I'm actually over the moon, OVEREXCITED to say the least. But things are just travelling through my mind every second, and blocking them out has been getting harder and harder every moment. I need to change some stuff, but without changing me. So this has resulted in me drawing. something i haven't done in ages.... but instead of releasing the thoughts within its just causing more to build. I wanna do something more creative... maybe more destructive... i dunno i don't really wanna cut my hair anymore, there is no need and hair dying? i still wanna dye it back to a purple black, but i was thinking if i ever want to return to my original colour. before this whole purple black obsession, i remember walking into the shops with my friend about to by my hair colour (in a bottle), but to be peer pressured and influenced into my current colour, which i must say i really do like. but its hard to maintain. My roots, are showing through.. and my hair is a lot lighter that i remember... has it come to this, where i don't even remember the original colour of my hair? I really want that blonde streak to disappear. Lately i've been talking bout going all blonde, apart from killing my hair, i don't think i'm brave enough to do it... nor am i destructive enough. also it will go orange and not blonde due to my current red purple dye. i have no destructive ness in me anymore. i just feel defeated. maybe i should just resort to tunnel vision...

what's wrong?
for some unknown reason i feel like i'm annoying, and people are "hating" me. I can smile and say hi to someone, just to realise that they are more interested in someone else... there thats all i must do my soap for the day...

hearts, li-ming

is something the matter?

you know somethings wrong when even your mum, who you haven't properly spent time with over 6 months, notices your not yourself....

anyways, i dunno... life can be a sham. it has its ups and downs, just like a roller coaster. except i hate rollercoasters. i like stable, normal paced ground. it's too fast, and it's so costly. wow this analogy is just like real life, more so than i was originally expecting. (i'll just leave you to figure, it out for a bit)

roller coasternounan amusement park attraction that consists of a light railroad trackwith many tight turns and steep slopes, on which people ride in smallfast open cars.• figurative a thing that contains or goes through wild andunpredictable changes : a terrific roller coaster of a book.verb ( roller-coaster) (also roller-coast) [ intrans. ]move, change, or occur in the dramatically changeable manner of aroller coaster : the twentieth century fades behind us and history roller-coasters on.
~courtesy of apple dictionary app.


When its all said and done, what are we left with? normal people are left with a sense of exhilaration, excitement, a continuous adrenaline rush. "let's do that again!!" , but what about those people that just cant handle it? It's like that game, roller coaster tycoon, some people just can't handle the thrill, they come off upset groggy and green in the face, RUINING your perfect theme park with the contents of their stomach. It's so hard to build the perfect theme park, i remember just failing over and over again, so how can it be so easy to have life behave as a roller coaster? I dunno these questions will forever remind unanswered. So what can i answer for you today? i think the bigger question what do i actually know?
no much sadly, theres are so many phrases going through my head, none of which are very helpful to this situation in which i'm currently facing. but truth be told i don't actually know what is the situation i'm currently facing.

its just times where your can be idiots in the snow that i miss....

happy idiots.... (actually if she knew i posted this she'll hate me) 

i hate how i look in this photo, but its rare to find a photo of pure happiness and joy.... joy comes when vanity doesn't barge its way through.

anyways ill end with me...

lol no wet hair for me

just accidentally deleted all my iphone notes... AHHH

song courtesy of Doug

hearts, li-ming

realisation

i should stop my spastic need to study... and enjoy what i do... i cant not do the best i can when im insanely thinking bout everything i need to do. take things easier, i think=] stop thinking bout the past and keep heading forwards. stop being so cocky=], i don't know everything. Be who i am because that is who i'm meant to be.

the sun came out today, it was soo yummy, but instead of basking in its glory, i spent the whole morning indoors at ice house... it was fun, very tiring... KILLING my ankles, but i taught someone how to skate, and i learnt that i can actually do cross overs... WHILE MOVING, feeling ever so more accomplished. instead of going home and "relaxing" i went to vic market and bought some lamb hearts, when i received my change i didn't really want it cause the lady, although very nice, touched the heart with her bare hands... and then gave me the change with her HANDS... i gave the change to my brother=]. then we went for some of the infamous churros, OMGSH THEY SMELT SOOOO GOOOD but cause of the sugar bannnnnn i couldnt eat any... it was sooo sad cause i had to hold them, to allow my brother and his friend to eat it=[. one day.....

anyways i found this girl on xfactor... and her voice is sooooo different in a REALLL good way, i like it.. you should listen... shes soo cute

hearts, li-ming

3/08/11

ok well i havent done it for thursday friday or saturday....

but as a whole, i consumed:
- peanut butter
- yogurt
- strawberries
- hotdog
- pasta
- dumplings
- almond nuts
- boost.. berry berry light....

and for my exerciseeeeee i did 30mins=] today!!!

now im tired and tooo lazy to study

hearts, li-ming

31/08/11

amanda left today=[

food consumption:

- yogurt

- one water bottle

- two cups of tea

- one chicken sandwich

- one fillet o'fish

- rice, egg, lamb and salad

- crackers 

- cherries and strawberries

EXERCISE....... none.... zero... nothing

hearts, li-ming