Saturday, September 10, 2011

tunnel vision

we've always been told to look outside the box, explore and think, not only on the obvious but on whats lurking within the shadows. its been ingrained in our minds from an early age, and since then we do it without thought. nothing is as simple as it seems anymore, especially for those who's brains just wont stop circulating in continuous thoughts. Sometimes we need to stop thinking and just do. Do not step back and observe. But step in and get lost with it all. things are simpler than they seem.
The bigger picture, has extra minute details, details that are not required, details that causes a person to over think. Its hard to block them out, hard to focus on what we need to know, but instead, as we've been taught there is more than meets the eye, and we must analyse this. Tunnelling our vision, if only this was easy, life would be so much better.. there would no complications to life.

I need to stop thinking, I need to stop observing, I need to stop stalking....

Today instead of doing my practical report, i'm watching top gear, in my sausage smelling clothes and track pants. I'm dreading the last bit of work i need to do before my anatomy study... one more week of uni, I'm actually over the moon, OVEREXCITED to say the least. But things are just travelling through my mind every second, and blocking them out has been getting harder and harder every moment. I need to change some stuff, but without changing me. So this has resulted in me drawing. something i haven't done in ages.... but instead of releasing the thoughts within its just causing more to build. I wanna do something more creative... maybe more destructive... i dunno i don't really wanna cut my hair anymore, there is no need and hair dying? i still wanna dye it back to a purple black, but i was thinking if i ever want to return to my original colour. before this whole purple black obsession, i remember walking into the shops with my friend about to by my hair colour (in a bottle), but to be peer pressured and influenced into my current colour, which i must say i really do like. but its hard to maintain. My roots, are showing through.. and my hair is a lot lighter that i remember... has it come to this, where i don't even remember the original colour of my hair? I really want that blonde streak to disappear. Lately i've been talking bout going all blonde, apart from killing my hair, i don't think i'm brave enough to do it... nor am i destructive enough. also it will go orange and not blonde due to my current red purple dye. i have no destructive ness in me anymore. i just feel defeated. maybe i should just resort to tunnel vision...

what's wrong?
for some unknown reason i feel like i'm annoying, and people are "hating" me. I can smile and say hi to someone, just to realise that they are more interested in someone else... there thats all i must do my soap for the day...
hearts, li-ming

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