feeling like a crumb

crumb |krəm|noun1 a small fragment of bread, cake, or cracker.• a very small amount of something: the budget provided few crumbs of comfort.• the soft inner part of a loaf of bread.• a dessert topping made of brown sugar, butter, flour, and spices and crumbled over a pie or cake: [ as modifier ] : apple crumb pie.• (usu. crumb rubber )granulated rubber, made fromrecycled tires.
a crumb, to me, is a small insignificant piece of nothing. never in your life have you ever dropped a crumb and picked it back up, and saved it. A crumb is always eaten by scavenger animals, birds and mice. Crumbs are minute pieces that add up to a messy collection of rubbish, scooped together and thrown away.
sometimes its not life that gets too much but the people around you, its like sometimes you look at someone's life and then you realised how unaccomplished you are. you try to reason to yourself why they are so accomplish, but it never works, you are  the same as them just with nothing. you're the crumb while they are the cake. people oo and ahhh at their taste and appeal, while they just wipe you away. sometimes i wonder how awesome would it been if i could do things... if had a talent that could get me far, if i had the abilities to be more than just a student. to have more in life than just being a student, something that only i can possess, something that would amaze others. something to call my own, something i will not get judged at. sometimes its just the tick of approval, just a simple acknowledgement. Something where someone can stand there and be like i wish i could do that, or something that would obtain an "I'm  proud".
but that will never be me, i have nothing to be proud of, or for anyone else to be proud of, i do what i need to and thats all. i don't juggle between areas of my life, cause it's just categorised as one big life, a university student. i do what i have to, to get through. theres nothing else to it...

talking bout crumbs there's this good french macron place called la belle miette, meaning, the beautiful crumb...
if only i was a beautiful crumb, kept and savoured

hearts,  li-ming