moving

music really does alter ones mood

memories come and go, but all know that they are pressed into our minds right from the day in which they were created, imprinted into our minds. just cause we may forget them a little trigger brings the time, the place, the event right back to the fore front of our mines. ive been cleaning my room/ moving and well i have a lot of junk. you could say, if you wanted to, that im a very sedimental person and over the 8 years of my life in this country i have built up small memorabilia, whether it be a receipt or an item, it is somewhere in my room just wait for the time when i find it. pieces of paper surround me each one with a memory from years ago when things were different. diary entries of ewwwwiness are the only things i dont intend on keeping. whats weird is if i didnt clean or move i would have never found these artefacts and therefore i would not reflect, i would not be remembering the past. but its a fact as we grow things change, but tehres always something that stays the same, something that grows with us. ive notice my perception on what means most to me has changed. theres a box in the back of my cupboard which i uncover today. it was a box packed from our last move. it was filled of just stuff nothing like useable. but i guess this stuff meant the most to me back then. there were like assessment reports all full marks. and papers that showed me my capabilities, maps, stories and letters. but the box is right. wat meant the most to me was me, my self esteem, my adventures and most of all my intelligence. i recall packing that box. i remember (memories that result from seeing junk) that i had a lot of papers, high school papers, i hate throwing papers out especially high school, cause that i use to live for an well it felt like i was throwing a part of me out every year i was throwing away a part of my childhood. but we were moving so i had to do something i cant just bring the past wherever i went. if i did i would have a whole country strapped to my back. so i only kept the assessments that had a perfect score. and now that i look at it, whats the point i never did well in wat really mattered. i never did well in vce those papers mean nothing. but in comparison wat ive chosen to keep this time, this time is all letters cards and items that remind me of a place, a time., an area in which everything was so good and cheerful, the feeling of being loved. birthday cards, ive only started collecting them from the last 2 birthdays, all my assessments said hello to the bin. theres no point in keeping a score, cause life isnt based on a score. but its the self esteem that needs these things to become wat it is today. i need to throw out more junk, cause i cant be lugging it round for the rest of my life. there are somethings that ive kept and im proud to have kept it. a letter from jz. its those days which i miss. well anyways reflecting on my past theres soo much stuff that ive recalled. i am going to frame it all up so it wont be junk anymore but an item of my life. and jz's letter is going to be there.

anyways i better get back to cleaning/pacing im sleeping in a new house tomorrow
lack of sleep=pain

i cant go mushy anymore. i cant say "i miss you" sorry guys.

hearts, li-ming