its been a while

well ok i have no good excuse for not blogging cause i finished my exams a little less than a week ago and so i should have been mega free but all that week i spent day after day, night after night working hard on decorations for fungus (my youth group) big event, "the golden mushroom". This involved a lot of painting and drawing...

anyways i just thought i would sum up the last weeks in a series of photos and items and thoughts.
well lately, well occurred during my exam period, I've been running a lot like just with vicky and my brother, i guess it was good, even though i couldn't run properly, but as soon as exams ended i've just been binge eating, so swear I've gained a lot of weight but its the holidays now so i should be able to exercise more. anyways today!! i woke up early to drive my brother to work (trying to increase my hours) and i ran home. i specifically told my dad ill be back within the hour, cause i didn't wanna carry my keys. so when i got home i grabbed a bottle of water and sculled it, stretched and then rang the door bell, no answer. i called the home phone, no answer, i called my dad's phone, no answer i banged the door, no answer. i repeated these steps three times, then called my brother, he told me to go to the bedroom window and knock it. i went to the bedroom window, IT WAS HIGHER UP THAN ME.. so i broke a stick and threw it, no answer, called my brother again and he had to DRIVE ALL THE WAY home again to let me into the house, such a waste of effort=[ anyways while waiting for him i just sat outside on the roadside like an awkward lost child.

talking about runs, during the exam period, vicky and i decided to treat ourselves to some macrons and OMGSH they are the best ever, the shop is so nice and quaint too, its french, its called La Belle Miette, translated to mean "the beautiful crumb"

 YUM YUM they were absolutely delicious, way better than i could ever make them. i hope, one day to become friends with the owner and have a french conversations with him.

after my exams i was to help with decorations for my youth groups big finale night, and so i made twin mushrooms... they were about 1.3 metres high. one took 90 minutes to draw and 2 full days of painting, i didn't get home until 2am. they are my pride and joy, and i would like to show and share them with you =].

also yesterday i was looking through photos of me from like after year 12 when my hair was at its most normal-est (except from my blond/blue streak) and i was like i miss it, the length, the way it fell nicely the natural colour.. so i decided to get off my lazy butt and dye it dark brown.. but it came out black and its still as dry as it was when i started... so not much of a success but at least its all one colour, and on its way to being normal. but i bet before it gets a chance to be normal there will be some random colour among it.
anyways i have my first driving lesson tomorrow morning and i have to awake really early so that i make be awake and alert. also I have a very busy schedule tomorrow.. YAY NO MORE BOREDOM
until then,

hearts, li-ming

the calm before the storm

well exams are starting on friday and i must say in these two weeks i have been the least productive person ever known to man and now I'm just sitting here in the semi dark, attempting to finish my anatomy notes so that i can have a little cry tomorrow when i go back to revise them. to add to this lost being i am i haven't even tried to study for physiology or biochemistry so therefore I'm more screwed than i expected. and i have the urge to attend a nike sale on friday, after my anatomy practical exam. what do i do to myself. i have no one else to blame but me if i fail this semester.

but on other news... lol theres nothing else, just the usual annoyance and anger and hate and bitterness which i must be rid of. but then there are also the moments where your like DUDE WHY????!!!

now a picture on my attempts to scare a friend...

i was attempting to squeeze under the desk... but failure took place

hearts, li-ming

How a fairy is born.....

talents....
fairies are born with talents, something that makes them special, something that makes them stand out from the crow. Tinkerbell was a fairy with a talent so strong, a talent that defined her.... why can't we all find our talents so easily? why must we keep continuously searching for something that makes us special?
anyways tonight is interesting...

hearts, li-ming

feeling like a crumb

crumb |krəm|noun1 a small fragment of bread, cake, or cracker.• a very small amount of something: the budget provided few crumbs of comfort.• the soft inner part of a loaf of bread.• a dessert topping made of brown sugar, butter, flour, and spices and crumbled over a pie or cake: [ as modifier ] : apple crumb pie.• (usu. crumb rubber )granulated rubber, made fromrecycled tires.
a crumb, to me, is a small insignificant piece of nothing. never in your life have you ever dropped a crumb and picked it back up, and saved it. A crumb is always eaten by scavenger animals, birds and mice. Crumbs are minute pieces that add up to a messy collection of rubbish, scooped together and thrown away.
sometimes its not life that gets too much but the people around you, its like sometimes you look at someone's life and then you realised how unaccomplished you are. you try to reason to yourself why they are so accomplish, but it never works, you are  the same as them just with nothing. you're the crumb while they are the cake. people oo and ahhh at their taste and appeal, while they just wipe you away. sometimes i wonder how awesome would it been if i could do things... if had a talent that could get me far, if i had the abilities to be more than just a student. to have more in life than just being a student, something that only i can possess, something that would amaze others. something to call my own, something i will not get judged at. sometimes its just the tick of approval, just a simple acknowledgement. Something where someone can stand there and be like i wish i could do that, or something that would obtain an "I'm  proud".
but that will never be me, i have nothing to be proud of, or for anyone else to be proud of, i do what i need to and thats all. i don't juggle between areas of my life, cause it's just categorised as one big life, a university student. i do what i have to, to get through. theres nothing else to it...

talking bout crumbs there's this good french macron place called la belle miette, meaning, the beautiful crumb...
if only i was a beautiful crumb, kept and savoured

hearts,  li-ming

meant to be written 2 days ago

this week has been a crazy one.. really intense with my last biochemistry practical report due, the final draft of my physiology, french test and anatomy test all in one tiny week that just finished within a few seconds. Now it's a saturday morning and I've decided that my life was worthy of a blog, filled with random ranting proportions. Although it all happened in the past, it's still worthy of ranting.

so we shall start with a picture that defines my study session on wednesday, preparing for the anatomy test, while still remembering my french oral.

yes it has been hot here but it only lasted two days, I'm not complaining that it's gone or that it was short, I'm just stating a fact that the weather is stupid. anyways as this intense crazy week progressed, i was placed under a lot of stress and craziness, which rendered me with a failing grade and caused me to end up in colouring eeyore when in the anatomy museum. but over all after two days of mundane happiness i am feeling a whole lot better.
but i think i observe too much, i think way too much for my brain to even comprehend. it even renders me with dreams of scary proportions. the other day i dreamt of two of my friends whispering and talking bout me behind my back, sometimes these things make me insanely crazy. rage is often the way i deal with issues like these, it was on tuesday where my friends indicated that i was deeply wounded, not just by the presence of friends but the fear of "intimacy" from some past encounter. i dunno i can't really think right now, a mushy brain isn't always the best way to blog, so ill attempt to blog again tomorrow .
ice skating tomorrow 8am wake up

hearts, li-ming

i have a new iphone case=]

last night and today was a real big eye opener for me, ive just noticed that despite the small quiet exterior of my science group of friends, deep within are big secrets and massive scandals. everyone has their part to play, whether you're the Blair Waldorf or the Jenny Humphrey, you may even be Dan, innocent yet devious. but don't forget there's always at least one gossip girl in the group. You never know until you dig deep, the stuff that is known is actually spreading, even your secrets are spreading. but you dont known until you reveal a little for you to truly discover something totally unexpected. Today was a real insider to what is beneath the perfect exterior. and im ashamed to say i am a part of this circling information and gossip. but it just makes you wonder who else knows about your secrets when you start to know about other peoples. theres no such thing as the cone of silence or the circle of truth its just small words whispered to one person which in turn gets stored in a centre base where all who find it will discover the secrets within. no matter about the rumours and gossip that goes round i don't care how i'm perceived as long as im happy. i just dont wanna be seen as that pathetic little wimp.
has anyone else noticed that halifies are pretty good looking? today i mentioned it, i dunno if i would want to be with a halfie or marry someone western so that my kids would be hot... such a hard decision, especially when you were bullied as a child for not looking a certain way.

Lately ive just started watching a new tv series which im probably gonna follow now called "new girl" i must say its really good i just love the whole aspect of it. and since watching it i have been constantly wishing i had guy friends like her. guy friends that really truly cared. but it was today that i realised, i really do have "guy" friends like her, ones that care about me so much and my well being they ask each other to watch out for me. i sometimes feel so special and so loved. Jaka is pretty cool although half way round the world he's still my bro watching everything i do, trying his hardest to make sure im me and im happy. Andy is lol there kinda like a netting.. lol sounds weird but kinda catches you when you fall? providing comfort and entertainment. he's like always there even when he's bummed to make me happy. i guess i dont appreciate him enough but hes really caring. VICKY although not a guy is one of my closest bros and she is just amazing. she gets me like no one else she understands my stupidity and she understands everything I do we talk not girly conversations but we are always on the same level. and shes doesnt just sit there and listen to me and my rage but she rages back and it just feels good to know that im not the only one out there feeling the way i do. shes not bias but shes fair and we can laugh endlessly. Ive discovered that these are my caring "guy" friends, equal to the ones from the tv series "new girl"

also i dunno lately ive been feeling a tad honest resulting in real mean abilites. i try my hardest to suppress them but its been to long. Resulting from this was an idea fit for a king, a music jam session, im actually really excited although i might be the only one playing, it would be so cool and fun just to sit there and jam and listen to those try and learn my viola. i cant wait for friday.
anyways i should be sleeping early lol so as it is 3:14am i shall say my farewells with a song

hearts, li-ming

one good night=]

tonight was my friends 21st... she was soo tiny even in her heels.. it was so cute. anyways i was quite lazy in the morning still bummed but slowly the day passed without me actually doing anything. just repeats of one song and me singing like crazy lol... the joys of being home alone.
anyways i got ready about 5pm put on my killer shoes (killer as in feet death) and black tank, black jeans and my blazer with my "face" on.. and dont forget my little golden bow... yes im still obsessed with my bows, i felt tall and dressed but not formal=] kinda in my comfort zone. and then as i walked i realised why i dont wear heels.... ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO WALK!!!! why do girls DO IT???!!! why the pain of it all?
but the place was really nice.. it was a chilled cafe with lots of delicious canapés and good people. i felt sooo much like myself. i was loud and crazy enough though my feet hurt it was good=]. there were people i had never met before but yet i was able to maintain a healthy conversation. people i hadnt seen in ages to which i was like OMGSH YOU!!!!! and just the usual which were like=]. i dunno sometimes i fit in sometimes i dont. theres always a sense that im an outsider but today it didnt really bother me. who cares about their inside jokes? but yes it was a good night, but it did get me thinking about  my 21st.. lol yes i know its in like 3 years. but im thinking bout speeches and what amazing friends she had.... friends that actually cared for her and wrote her songs and like were so nervous they spent the whole beginning of the party just freaking out. it just left me thinking who do i want to speak at my 21. a couple names came to mind. i really want harps to speak at my 21st no one would know her but it would mean so much to me. i was considering having my 21st in england but then figured i have no friends there....
but yes i had a coffee like at 11pm so im still highly awake considering i have church tomorrow i wont be able to sleep... lets just hope ill wake up on time.
so when i got home... before i showered.. a little high from the caffeine fix i took a photo...

i call it the after shot

NO FRINGEEEE!!!.. lol yeah i still have my "face" on 

TIME FOR SOME TV!!!!

hearts, li-ming

Make me your radio, turn me up when you feel low

Yesterday was a semi good day... I spent most the time just going spastic but I guess it was a form of anger release. Also I was given tons of "useful" advice and realised I'm really stupid or my brain isn't screwed on properly. There are things that just annoy. I'm talking about away from the situation, your all good but once it's placed in your face, or you go looking you go rage crazy, but there's no reason to. It's just the idea, the presence that makes you crazy. And yet again I will return to the thought of pettiness, you don't want to be so petty but it just cannot be helped. It's just this instant feeling you get as soon as you see the situation. I hate the fact that you search for it for some "reassurance" but all you get is disappointment. It's so hard to just not bother anymore. You can never depend on people, no one's trustworthy no matter how much you've trusted them before. Cause things change and soon you'll go rage crazy. Everything that you considered fun once before is no longer the same. There are plans... I guess but these plans must be shifted just to squeeze into the changing times.
No one reads my blog anymore, so basically I could expel everything I want here, but that just results in you actually facing your problems head on. I normally write stories to release everything but today... This time... I just can't be bothered I just have no energy to keep the creative need in me up.
Anyways more about the joys of yesterday... We met steeplejacks:) yes they aren't famous but their music was really good and their bass guitarist was pretty cool, it was a good night, sometimes being a leader has it's perks. Anyways it's about time I do something productive...

hearts, li-ming

"....From London, United Kingdom"

hearts, li-ming

when things render you speechless

mmmm
today i dunno what to say.. i just have a mountain of anger, well its not anger it just me wanting to throw something... which was close to being my phone.. lucky i kept it in my bag most of the day.
today i went to ballarat....
sovereign hill... yeah it wasnt the trip i imagined it to be honestly... but you know i made the most of it
anyways i really wanted to blog properly but im feeling a bit touchy and lazy
maybe next time

its the end of an era...

maybe isolation is the key, nothing is worth thought, effort or even tears

hearts, li-ming

tunnel vision

we've always been told to look outside the box, explore and think, not only on the obvious but on whats lurking within the shadows. its been ingrained in our minds from an early age, and since then we do it without thought. nothing is as simple as it seems anymore, especially for those who's brains just wont stop circulating in continuous thoughts. Sometimes we need to stop thinking and just do. Do not step back and observe. But step in and get lost with it all. things are simpler than they seem.
The bigger picture, has extra minute details, details that are not required, details that causes a person to over think. Its hard to block them out, hard to focus on what we need to know, but instead, as we've been taught there is more than meets the eye, and we must analyse this. Tunnelling our vision, if only this was easy, life would be so much better.. there would no complications to life.

I need to stop thinking, I need to stop observing, I need to stop stalking....

Today instead of doing my practical report, i'm watching top gear, in my sausage smelling clothes and track pants. I'm dreading the last bit of work i need to do before my anatomy study... one more week of uni, I'm actually over the moon, OVEREXCITED to say the least. But things are just travelling through my mind every second, and blocking them out has been getting harder and harder every moment. I need to change some stuff, but without changing me. So this has resulted in me drawing. something i haven't done in ages.... but instead of releasing the thoughts within its just causing more to build. I wanna do something more creative... maybe more destructive... i dunno i don't really wanna cut my hair anymore, there is no need and hair dying? i still wanna dye it back to a purple black, but i was thinking if i ever want to return to my original colour. before this whole purple black obsession, i remember walking into the shops with my friend about to by my hair colour (in a bottle), but to be peer pressured and influenced into my current colour, which i must say i really do like. but its hard to maintain. My roots, are showing through.. and my hair is a lot lighter that i remember... has it come to this, where i don't even remember the original colour of my hair? I really want that blonde streak to disappear. Lately i've been talking bout going all blonde, apart from killing my hair, i don't think i'm brave enough to do it... nor am i destructive enough. also it will go orange and not blonde due to my current red purple dye. i have no destructive ness in me anymore. i just feel defeated. maybe i should just resort to tunnel vision...

what's wrong?
for some unknown reason i feel like i'm annoying, and people are "hating" me. I can smile and say hi to someone, just to realise that they are more interested in someone else... there thats all i must do my soap for the day...

hearts, li-ming

is something the matter?

you know somethings wrong when even your mum, who you haven't properly spent time with over 6 months, notices your not yourself....

anyways, i dunno... life can be a sham. it has its ups and downs, just like a roller coaster. except i hate rollercoasters. i like stable, normal paced ground. it's too fast, and it's so costly. wow this analogy is just like real life, more so than i was originally expecting. (i'll just leave you to figure, it out for a bit)

roller coasternounan amusement park attraction that consists of a light railroad trackwith many tight turns and steep slopes, on which people ride in smallfast open cars.• figurative a thing that contains or goes through wild andunpredictable changes : a terrific roller coaster of a book.verb ( roller-coaster) (also roller-coast) [ intrans. ]move, change, or occur in the dramatically changeable manner of aroller coaster : the twentieth century fades behind us and history roller-coasters on.
~courtesy of apple dictionary app.


When its all said and done, what are we left with? normal people are left with a sense of exhilaration, excitement, a continuous adrenaline rush. "let's do that again!!" , but what about those people that just cant handle it? It's like that game, roller coaster tycoon, some people just can't handle the thrill, they come off upset groggy and green in the face, RUINING your perfect theme park with the contents of their stomach. It's so hard to build the perfect theme park, i remember just failing over and over again, so how can it be so easy to have life behave as a roller coaster? I dunno these questions will forever remind unanswered. So what can i answer for you today? i think the bigger question what do i actually know?
no much sadly, theres are so many phrases going through my head, none of which are very helpful to this situation in which i'm currently facing. but truth be told i don't actually know what is the situation i'm currently facing.

its just times where your can be idiots in the snow that i miss....

happy idiots.... (actually if she knew i posted this she'll hate me) 

i hate how i look in this photo, but its rare to find a photo of pure happiness and joy.... joy comes when vanity doesn't barge its way through.

anyways ill end with me...

lol no wet hair for me

just accidentally deleted all my iphone notes... AHHH

song courtesy of Doug

hearts, li-ming

realisation

i should stop my spastic need to study... and enjoy what i do... i cant not do the best i can when im insanely thinking bout everything i need to do. take things easier, i think=] stop thinking bout the past and keep heading forwards. stop being so cocky=], i don't know everything. Be who i am because that is who i'm meant to be.

the sun came out today, it was soo yummy, but instead of basking in its glory, i spent the whole morning indoors at ice house... it was fun, very tiring... KILLING my ankles, but i taught someone how to skate, and i learnt that i can actually do cross overs... WHILE MOVING, feeling ever so more accomplished. instead of going home and "relaxing" i went to vic market and bought some lamb hearts, when i received my change i didn't really want it cause the lady, although very nice, touched the heart with her bare hands... and then gave me the change with her HANDS... i gave the change to my brother=]. then we went for some of the infamous churros, OMGSH THEY SMELT SOOOO GOOOD but cause of the sugar bannnnnn i couldnt eat any... it was sooo sad cause i had to hold them, to allow my brother and his friend to eat it=[. one day.....

anyways i found this girl on xfactor... and her voice is sooooo different in a REALLL good way, i like it.. you should listen... shes soo cute

hearts, li-ming

3/08/11

ok well i havent done it for thursday friday or saturday....

but as a whole, i consumed:
- peanut butter
- yogurt
- strawberries
- hotdog
- pasta
- dumplings
- almond nuts
- boost.. berry berry light....

and for my exerciseeeeee i did 30mins=] today!!!

now im tired and tooo lazy to study

hearts, li-ming

31/08/11

amanda left today=[

food consumption:

- yogurt

- one water bottle

- two cups of tea

- one chicken sandwich

- one fillet o'fish

- rice, egg, lamb and salad

- crackers 

- cherries and strawberries

EXERCISE....... none.... zero... nothing

hearts, li-ming

30/08/11

My consumption for yesterday, the date of 30/08/11 consumed of

- two teas
- one extra yummy yogurt
- a large tub (yes a tub) of cous cous
- fish and chips
- WATER!!!!!!

Exercise..... Non existent

hearts, li-ming

sometimes i just put my foot in it.....

i feel soo crummy lol...
i really need to think before i speak, and learn to stop while im ahead..... kinda like driving?
feeling stupid...
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:1, 2 NIV)


Bring on the awkward silence....!!!

hearts, li-ming

29/08/11

today I HAVE CONSUMED:
- 2 teas (no sugar)
- an apple
- ham and cheese croissant
- water bottle
- a handful of red rock deli chips
- chicken, potato and broccoli
- yogurt and crackers

EXERCISE IS ZILCH!!!!!!

hearts, li-ming

a promise set in stone

ok as DOUGLAS doesn't believe me.......
WE ARE HAVING A BLOGGGED AGREEMENT....


I Li-Ming PROMISE DOUGLAS, that THIS week (starting from 29th AUGUST up and until the 4th SEPTEMBER 2011) WILL NOT CONSUME ANY OF THE sugary goodness listed in the blog below....
but i may consume endless amounts of boost until i am satisfied  OK REPLACINGGG THISSSSS:
I AM ONLY ALLOWED COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF LOW FAT low sugar boost....
consumable boost products are boxed in red=[

i may not consume juice, cordial if given ice cream (namely ben and jerrys) I SHALL REJECT
i will not be lead in to temptation by people possessing sugary goodness
NO ENERGY DRINKS
any sugar consumption should be informed directly to douglas
any possession of sugar can be given to douglas for him to swell!!
doug is not allowed to buy me any forms of "illegal" sugary goodness

im allowed MOCHAAAAAAA!!! no sugar=] YESSS... WIN

according to doug i must walk for at least an hour this week

this is the agreement....

hearts, li-ming

1:44 am on a monday

bonsoir!!

i think blogging has started to become a bit more of a chore than any kind of fun, but i shall solider on without my glasses and in the dark to rant about stuff that not many people will care about.

well today i must say was a highly productive day, i did one hour of driving, bringing my hours to 91, and as calculated by me, if i keep driving at 2 hours a week ill be getting my Ps by December (adding an extra 10 hours just encase..) im actually really excited, like there is no real need for me to get my Ps, cause there isnt a car to drive but the idea that ive come sooo far after just a long drag of driving, makes me feel oh sooo slightly accomplished...

as well on this productive day, i consumed highly fat building amounts of chocolate. but i just couldn't help myself it was just so addictive, especially when your mums like EAT THEM lets get rid of the chocolate contents of this house, so inside your like OK but DEEEP WITHIN your like fatty STOP!!! but this week im going on a sugar BANNNNNNNN just for i think my body to regather itself and re establish a blood sugar base line. I think i should state the guidelines of this ban before i contradict myself....

ALLOWED:

BOOST

CREPES without yummmmmmmmmmmmminesssss offfffff nuteellllaaaa =[

NOT ALLOWED:

CHOCOLATE

LOLLIES

SUGARRRRRRRR

NUTELLA

ICE CREAM

SWEET YUMMY PIES

CAKES

MACARONSSSS

COOKIES

anything that makes me high.... i think thats a good standard...

dont worry ill be able to do it.. SHEER WILL POWER OF A MANNN HERE I COME!!!!!!!

i like songs today though i "found" ( i always had it) this song about DENTAL CARE soooo RANDOM i am so playing it at my clinic when i become a dentist. ALSO i realised that I NEED to start gaining some muscles to DEFEAT teeth and AIM FOR HARD CORE EXTRACTIONSSSSS

i think i'd be a crazy dentist... especially cause i can talk heaps, and my biggest annoyance is how mych my orthodontist talks to me when im in the chair.... I'LL be just like him but minus the dancing.

also today i CLEANED MY ROOM like a mega thorough CLEANING. like i mopped my floor and CHANGED my bed covers.... i DUSTED EVERYTHING 

hovered twice and put all the bits and bobs away!!!! soooo abnormally clean.

but it wont last long.

i also FINISHED A PRACTICAL report like THE WHOLE THING!!! i was sooo amazed with myself i smiled (well considering i just finished im SMILING) and unlike VCE i even managed to play music... im such a rubbish musician but i wanna buy like music books and maybe teach myself a few songs.... problem is i need a piano to help be regaining my tuning abilities... my fingers are so gay they just cannot stay in tune.

mmmm i think that was all i did on my mega productive day, but i was feeling a bit artsy before so here are 2 pictures.. then a rant

STARSSS

belonging cannot be bought or given, its a feeling that people surrounding you influences you in. sometimes you can feel like you belong but other times you can feel like a bystander, trying to get a word in but it just seems like no ones interested in what you have to say anymore. can make you feel a bit lonely. then you re evaluate yourself and your thought to why and how did this "exclusion" begin, maybe its something you said or did or maybe its just an unlikable personalty? or you feel intimidated by the crowd that surrounds, so you spend your time just outside, wondering if its worth the trip back, just to experience this intimidation again. maybe its not you but the people? is there a line where knowing stuff beyond this point effects how you see someone? mmmm maybe thats whats happened... you've started to be yourself and show your "true colours" but arent they beautiful like a rainbow???

I DONT KNOW=]

but i do know its bed time

hearts, li-ming

just another tedious day

at least today i had a good 3 hour rest in bed just watching aimless amounts of tv, killing my bandwidth and being merry.
i havent blogged in ages, i guess i could blame my busy life, but technically i just think it is my inability to organise my time wisely. but yeah apart from that, i've just ben so drained, coming home around 10 each day and just studying last minutely. but this week im so glad THAT I HAVE ONE LESS PRAC REPORT WRITE UP!! its so worthy of a celebration...
anyways since this semester has started, i havent really said much about what i'm doing etc. so here goes...
this semester im taking 2 practical components of gay subjects (biochemistry and research), 3rd year anatomy and french. the practicals are kinda easy.. i'm actually hoping for 2 easy h1s but at this rate its like giving up sleep fro marks.... is it really worth it? i dunno but who knows? its the futures problem i just need to set it up ... LIKE A RELAY race thing.. its just my part of the race and i need to give the future me the best chance possible in obtaining the GOAL. so this semester, two of my friends are going on exchange... to canada, which i must say is highly interesting, but i guess thinking about it its so not hitting me, personally it just feels normal, maybe cause i dont really see them. ones already there, and i kinda feel bad cause its a hard transition living by yourself in a french speaking area. but im sure it will be fun and a great experience for each and every one of them.

theres nothing in life to report about, i guess the glam of everything has just been smothered by this thick cloud of university. I CAN'T WAIT TILL THE HOLIDAYS!!! yes i have already started to count ten days and organise event, and think of plausible events.

lately i think ive been more empathic than normal me, i dunno why, but i have been feeling like EMOTION for other people's situation i dunno how it started but its sooo weird, normally im so cold.. lol yeah if you have a problem, its like whatever... i cant help, normally cause i cant. but lately its like WHAT DO I DO??!!!!! and then you feel helpless. so stupid. anyways jealousy... hmm a worthy topic of conversation i think. there are moments in everyones life where they do get jealous, there are just moments in life where you just feel crummy, and even a person with something as small as a cool bag, or  cool item of clothing makes you jealous. but i think what is the worse is feeling jealous over someones intelligence. i know a lot of smart people, im surrounded by them daily, most of them are aiming high, medicine high, and you know out of the 330 students accepted, they are gonna get it, leaving you far behind. but i think you can also be jealous about how accomplish people are, its only been this year where ive been surround by so many accomplished people, and here i am still living off my parents money, trying to make 50 bucks last 2 weeks, but instead im forced to eat away into my savings, the savings that im meant to keep for future life.

but theres always those little joys in life, where everything implodes on itself, like a crumbling building, that finally falls, yes there is residue but now at least you can enjoy the scenery without obstruction.. if only all days could be like that, care free and open. a fresh mind to a fresh day, no continuous pain no reminder of what's currently happening in life. well thats until you have you clean up the mess that building made, but just think about that new building you can create... a 3 story mansion?
=]

hearts, li-ming

we dream so long...

the clouds hung low and thick in the sky, the feeling of entrapment was growing deeper and deeper within, causing a tingling sensation to run frequently along my spine. the comfort came from the glistening sun, who's radiance and power seeped through the clouds, providing a little glow among the sky. it was not night, nor was it day. it was just a time frame that I was stuck in. everyday was a cloudy dilemma, providing a sense of insecurity and a band of confusion. it started off slow and as the chill increased so did its speed. at first it felt like rain, felt as if the clouds had just let go of the heavy weight it had burdened for so long and just released it in to the atmosphere. but slowly as it fell, the scene became clearer. as it fell it started to pave the streets. as it fell a strange emotion, a feeling of curiosity washed over removing the insecurity from within. white specks scattered everywhere, dusting the roads, the housing, everything and anything that was exposed to its touch. the street was quiet. the window was my barrier from the winter wonderland that was to unfold before my eyes. a thin blanket soon covered the world as i knew it, the once harsh exterior now became one fluffy blanket, which continued to increase in size as the seconds passed. raising my hand, i slowly pressed it against the window, my view into the outside world, chills ran through my ghostly white fingertips, shivers ran through my spine as the icy window touched my almost transparent skin. although almost bloodless, heat radiated from my hand, slowly fogging up the glass, blurring the vision into the world outside. eyes closed, i exhale, my body was feeling weak once again, my arm was a toothpick and my hand was a bowling ball, but i was determined. one more breath. my hand was slipping as my arm started to buckle under the weight, but i was determined. hand like a claw, i tried to grab the glass. body still, one more breath. knees buckle, body falling. a handprint still remains.

i think im way out of my league when it comes to uni, but if i try my hardest, everything should work out in the end...

if only dreams came true today=]

is there ever a moment when knowing a person too much can be toxic?... can you ever be too comfortable around a person that rules fly out the window, and what was once awkward seems normal?

but anyways today, after a long tiresome day, i was thinking to myself, and mum kinda influenced this, but its been a while since i was crazy weight conscious, and winter and leggings, said by mum makes me fat cause they expand so ill never know when i gain weight.. but i personally was like im kinda like ok... but to stand the true test of time i decided to put all my dresses on, because i bought most of them ages ago and if they still fit me.. then i must be ok.. LOL MY LOGIC.. but anyways!!! i forgot how many unusedd dressses i own!!! i felt so girly!!! it was mega strange... but yes they still all fit me!!!! but now my bed is a mess that requires immediate attention...

anyways  that was a bit of pointless information....(might need to find somewhere where i can wear a dress?)

but yeah

CADAVERSSSS scare me

hearts, li-ming

I slept all day

well basically this morning i awoke.. kinda a early for a good fun time at iceskating... but instead i was forced to eat breakfast.. BUT EITHER WAY i drove=] 72 HOURS!!!! wee sooo close im like waiting for the moment when i hit the triple digits.. anyways OFF TOPIC i went iceskating, which was actually really good i think I've improved heaps.. apart from the fact i cant do my tricks but like i can at least kinda make my mistakes look kinda pro, even though i throw a fit when i miss... but we met the pro guy again today and he was giving me advice, cause my figure skates are like MASSIVE WEIGHTS that kill my feet so i can't do tricks for long cause my legs get tooo tired. so he was like you just need to build up your calf muscles HOW BIG DO YOU WANT THEM?? they are already out of proportion.. stupidity.
anyways my driving was pretty ok got lost cause my bro was on my phone instead of directing me and my parking, as per usual was TERRIBLE but we "watched" funny youtube clips while driving.. don't worry guys I'm a safe driver....

after ice skating we came home for lunch then i was like SLEEPY so i laid in bed with my babies and fell asleep probably for like 3 hours on and off. BUT MAN IM SO LAZY i have so much work i need to do like TONS of uni and outside uni work (stupid diploma). but instead i decided to show you MR PENGUIN!!!!!

im having a bow obsession...

oh how feminine.

Mr penguin is my best friend... HE'S SO FLUFFFFFFY!!!!!!! and soft and ediblee

THOUGHT OF THE DAY!!!!!!
actually this was said yesterday and i thought it should be kept as something i said that was mega COOL and oh so poetic...
(i think ill just copy and paste it)

"LIKE

A JIGSAW PUZZLE

you maybe a BLUE BIT OF SKY

but yet the puzzle isnt complete without you"

NOW THE THOUGHT!!!! things seem different when not everyones there.... everyone plays a part in a group of friends, then why is it easy to forget some, dislike others and find new ones?

also i need to shower.. LOL THE THOUGHTS OF MY BRAIN
I WANT TO HAVE A SNOW FIGHT
A SONG

hearts, li-ming

so much stuff

ok its been a long long while since i last blogged and since then a lot of stuff has happened, mainly result in me being DRAINED by the end of the day

ok well as laziness sets in im gonna upload a whole bunch of photos with mini descriptions...

firstly i think we should talk about the bet which resulted in a short haired amanda

well its been like 2 or 3 months since the bet ended and it was about time i collected the "prize" so we went to biba academy and amanda got a mature but asymmetric haircut, i must say though... it looks really different. personally i prefer the long hair, but she suggested the bet even though i was so confident i was going to win. but on this day i think i officially killed amanda with chocolate (lindt) which i thought would be impossible... BUT IT WAS A GOOD DAY

NOW to HARRY POTTER the final chapter... the end to a another childhood, IMAX it was really exciting, ive never been to imax before so the whole experience was crazy and like the screen, but i must say the 3D ness of it all was slightly ruined by my need to watch movies with my head on a tilt. but it was a good movie.. there were a bit of disappointment in characters and the death of characters, but all in all it was good until the end... NO COMMENT. but after the movie we went to the museum, and well jaka and i wanted to play hide and seek, but we totally lost the group, so rendered our game as mega fail. BUT PROFITEROLES!!!!! yeah i had a competition with doug on our profiterole skills.. his were soo PRETTY like girly pretty, i was actually really jealous, but either way they all tasted yummy.

AMAZING RACE!! my youth group organised an amazing race, and naturally i had an awesome team! it was actually really intense and really hard, we didnt win but it was still fun. Although it drained me, im proud of my team. we should have so won, but a few faults that needed ironing out would have perfected us in anyway possible. But the eureka tower sky box, just topped it for me.. THANK YOU AWESOME TEAM!!! (brian doug and VICKY)

lastly i thought i would attempt to sew something cool.... aLTHOUGH A MEGA FAIL!!! I was still pretty happy with it. it was gold and blue and i was surprised that i could even make stars, but besides the point, mum still questioned my sewing abilities.. i wish i sewed more, and maybe even perfect a skill... anyways I COMPLETED IT IN TWO DAYS=] WEEEE

(ps doug is in the back of this photo because i was trying to take a photo of the stars, but yeah i took a photo to annoy him also he drove me to buy the material.. thank you doug=])

ok now uni, is starting very soon but we still have like 4 days SO HOPEFULLY I BECOME LESS LAZY, take more photos and BLOG LIKE CRAZY, until then....

hearts, li-ming

hi

well the post below was written at 6:30am and types at 4am so please forgive the spelling mistakes and the randomnesss

mmm today i feel kinda weird and empty... something terrible happened this morning at 3 and i dunno if everything is ok or not.. i see the scars of it but internal, im not so sure.. it did though hurt me deep inside.. (im talking bout my first baby)

cleaning my room...

hearts, li-ming

"This is love!!..."

This is gonna be long....


Well these pass few days i've been at camp, and well it's been AWESOME.
I was in charge of this camp, but I think without my helpers it could not be possible. My dorm is really good and really chilled, I've always been placed with more senior members but this year I was with Linda and my junior cell members. I've gotten to know them a lot more and I think it's good to discover all parts of someones personality, not only does this increase the bond but it also decreases your ability to judge.

Okay i think to start I must talk abut why I'm "blogging" from camp (yes I wrote this on a piece of paper at camp) but I think camp reveals stuff that you couldn't do alone, I mean you know about it but you don;t know what to do with it. The main reason I'm blogging is about for elephants (metaphorically speaking, about sin) and that an elephant cannot be kept for too long before it becomes too costly. There are secrets in my life, like not everyone is perfect, but I know like I've done a fair share in my days, most of them of course small but still full of guilt and the only way to let them go is to tell someone. Although I've mentioned that I mainly have just small sins, I do also have one large one, like this has been the regret of my life up to date. It was so huge, and to most people of my age group, it seems so harmless, but it, personally, ruined my life (harshly put but I've touched on this before). I was so angry with myself, sometimes I still am, but it took me at least 2 years to actually sort myself out so that when I look back on my life I can actually look at it without cringing. I've actually never told anyone the full story and maybe I never will. There will only ever be two sides to this story, Well that was my thought before this camp, but after the discussion about showing your elephants to someone, it is, I guess, a sigh of relief. It may seem stupid for mr to share it with someone considering I'm kinda already over it and it's impact  on my life, but the way it impacted my life was so great.
I always feel judged by the people around me, that is why I always have a certain facade od how i want people to see me. I always act smarter than I actually am because I want people to view me as smart and not this stupid girl. I think, from personal experience, girls are more judging than guys, answering why I hang around guys more than girls, Ever since that time in my life, I instantly felt a bit more vulnerable and naturally (as the laws of physics states) to counter act this I harden myself ti the world, I find it harder to truthfully open up. And some of you may feel special cause you think I've opened up to you, but basically, it was just small pieces of a much larger picture, and it was probably dressed up to make me seem like the hero and not the victim, or that I was the one in charged. Before the elephant, I was so much more open, I was willing yo hug people, even guys, just to day hi, I was one of the people that influenced other people to hug. But now I feel as if it's not right, like as if it's unnecessary touching, I guess it's just the hardness that comes along with the vulnerability. Then comes the use of the word "love" I cannot use it on people the phrase "I love you" cannot be exist seriously. In my vocab this phase is only used in return for something or when abnormally high. If I was to sit here and say it, really meaning it, to anyone, even my parents or friends, or just anyone, I cannot do it, even if I do care about them a lot. I think it's just another resultant of the 'elephant'. One day I will find someone to tell, one day when I'm ready to be judged.
I always place myself as this innocent girl, but I'm probably 100% less innocent than I make myself out to be, but yet again this is to regain somethIng I lost, a facade to replace something that happened, to which I felt that I lost a lot of my innocence too. But yeah it was this one event that changed me, making me the girl I am today. And if you ever do find out bout my elephant, I think you should feel special, but it will only be told to those I really do trust, but don't go searching for it, please?

Next business, I guess is being reminded of someone. Sometimes there are things in life that just naturally reminds you of someone. Depending on the item or object determines if this memory is good or bad. But i guess in general being reminded of someone is just not right, or maybe thats just my harden self talking (most of the time I like my life just being me and me, and I think my facebook fast helped clean up these reminders) I think the worse kind of reminder of someone us when you are reminded of them through anything musical. Music is a mega part of peoples lives, and everywhere you hear notes, sounds and music. These notes and musical abilities constantly around us would cause this person to live in the fore part of our brains, continously.
But iI don't know if it's normal or if it's just me.. I still haven't decided yet, whether it is normal or not....

hearts, li-ming

i want a puffer fish

The sun rose high in the sky, its glare, although bright, could not prevail against the strong gush of the wind. The dominating wind stormed through, weaving in and out of people. the strong breeze fought effortlessly against the hairs on heads, lifting them, shaking them and letting them go before another breeze stormed through, increasing the chaos that already existed. leaves were tossed and turned, branches, on trees, swayed rhythmically, back and forth, the deep rustle created an air of mystery and anguish. all faces, pointed down, shielding eyes from the intense power of moving air. the bustle and noise of the city could not compete against the wail and howl of the wind. At the water's edge, ripples formed at the sound of every howl. but every 10 minutes, silence. these were the seconds of pure and utter serenity. the calmness of the air allowed the sun to express its full potential, the immense heat penetrating the skin, goosebumps form as it brings an air of uncertainty. the peace is short lived. the heat, although intense, is almost immediately consumed by the never ending wind. and yet the cycle relives. Minds are emptied, left confused and lost to the world unknown.

ok there was my lame story for these 2 weeks.... also as it was long overdue and i was not in the mood for it forgive its endless route to nowhere.
anyways before i collapse from complete drainage. i thought i would express today's findings. TODAY WE WENT TO THE AQUARIUM!!!! wee it was actually really good and i saw sooo many fishess!! it made me happy, but we didnt stay there all day, which was a shame but we went to watch x-men instead, which was pretty good, i think it worked better than Pirates of the Caribbean 4.
ANYWAYS yes the aquarium, i saw so many squishes, dory-s and nemo is the cutest thing ever he is like the size of a 20cent piece i wanted to steal him. WE also saw puffer fish... i think they were one of my favourites along with the penguins, because they were so CUTE i didnt get a picture=[ but they were like furry and CONSTANTLY smiling, and HAD MASSIVE EYES, so cute. but there were a lot of eels, which like snakes i kinda highly dislike, and a lot of kids, which also resulted in awkward encounters where pedophile-ism looked highly plausible. But altogether it was a good experience, although we missed like all the presentations cause we didnt look at the brochure.

i also did a bit of running... need to do more of that ......
but now im stuck feeling a little cold and tired doing some work that i havent done and have been dreading i think a mega tip is to not leave it till the last minute? but when does that ever not occur?
OHH and i'm getting a lot of random calls and messages.... but i only wish i was that popular...
NEXT MEGA TRIP?!! imax=] SOOOO EXCITED

hearts, li-ming

time for some mega happiness

well today was a weird day.. mostly because of the fact i woke up mega late and my mum was disappointed and rage-y and so my dad went out and so did my bro, so therefore i did to.... but i went to buy ingredients for a little project im attempting... anyways when i came back mum wasnt home and the house was kinda quiet again, so i just went about my usual late day process of breakfast-lunch, the shower and the half dead.. I SHOULD SLEEP?? routine. but eventually i came to an agreement to watch movies, which i guess was ok. but my boredom was meant to lead to a clean house to make my mammy happy when she got back from work.. but instead i found myself actually doing my hair and taking photos... LOL yes i agree it wasn't the best alternative, but i haven't photowhored in like over a few months so i think i deserved this day of photo taking.

well i think i shall describe my choice of photo.. ok no i won't be so awkwardly descriptive about myself but basically the reason i chose this one, although highly unnatural, was the EXTREME HAPPINESS it shows, i havent taken a happppy photo in quite a WHILE.
i need a haircut, my "fringe" requires a bobby pin to hold it in place.. which has increased my time and effort in the late morning and early afternoon.

So today i promised myself that i would write a story, you know to get the "ball" rolling but honestly im soooo lazy!! and i want to go back on facebook. WHY ARE THE HOLIDAYS SOOO EMPTY AND WHY AM I SO LAZY.... i need to discover the answer to these questions.......!
maybe i'll write a story tomorrow?

hearts, li-ming

SLEEP ALL DAY AND PARTY ALL NIGHT

HELLO my friends!!! itsss sooo early in the morning and i think that my title is very appropriate in describing the way in which i am living my life right now. LATELY (with the necessary exceptions) i have been staying awake till 5am in the morning, then crashing until 8am and then when i realise that i have nothing to do that day, so i go back to sleep and then what feels like minutes later i'm awake again at 1pm but i'm still drowsy. but too ashamed to sleep more, i'm on my phone for another hour which then after a few minutes of deep consideration i decide to get up as the hunger within grows DEEP. then by the time i shower and EAT its like 4pm!!! and then 5pm then 9pm then 3am and then before i know it its 5am and its HAPPENING ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

but as i think i should blog, i am here to express my empty brain. lately my brain has just been a big pile of mush, i can't even think straight.. or normal for a matter of fact and my dreams have just been getting weirder.
anyways to express thoughts that have just been rampaging through my mind.
Facebook.. its a big topic facebook especially since i banned myself from it, which has surprisingly worked, but i dunno if i should log back in or not.. basically i haven't banned myself for exams, instead i was meant to ban myself for like a whole month and like up until the 5th i was "banned" but i reckon as the holidays seep in closer and become a bigger part of my daily life, i kinda need facebook... like not for the ENDLESS STALKING i used to but for the events, facebook has been such a mega part of everyones lives, everything goes through this one TINY (well in comparison to the internet) social networking, people create live changing event through these things.... WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OLD phone calls or the massive texts to tell people that we are gonna be experiencing each others company!!? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE E-MAILS?? personallly i miss those emails... now lately i've just been receiving junk mail... YES JUNK MAIL IN MY INBOX and before i banned facebook it was NOTIFICATIONS and JUNK MAIL .... WHERES THE SPECIALNESS IN THAT?? they are all programmed, nothing special I MISS MY LETTERSS!!! the excitement i receive when i see my NAME HAND WRITTEN on a letter.... in the last year, all i have received are BILLS SHOWING ME THAT I'VE SPENT MORE THAN I'VE RECEIVED!!!!!! sighs.... also this DEPENDENCY FOR TECHNOLOGY IS INSANE?!!! i mean like theres no need for meeting people anymore.... i bet there are even ONLINE CAFES where you can have a "coffee" and a little "catch up" with your friends. but i'm serious about BOOKS THEY ARE THE WORST!!! who wants a book reader thingo? I MEAN I PREFER HAVING THE BOOK ON MY SHELF and being able to feel the pages through my fingers as i read!! i mean thats just me but technology is reaching its extremes and i'm not liking it.

but yeah a totally different topic, i like curly fries!!! lol i am literally willing to travel kilometres and an HOUR away from where i live to experience its total and utter yumminess. OK WELL THAT WAS A BIT OFF TOPIC.... what i really wanted to say was, is it normal to wanna know more about people? like i mean you can talk to someone days on end... and not really learn much about them, except the little things that you learn on your normal daily life. kinda weird but anyways. QUESTIONS yes questions are a good way to kind out about people... if you cant stalk their blog (not condoning stalking here...) but like a question... questions can be really personal, its hard to tell when a question is stepping the line, or pushing it tooo far in the "Friendship" department but i think more or less its the nature of the question, the "why" factor.. like WHY ARE YOU ASKING??? ( i always use that one) but like for me if i was to ask a question... apart from the occasional shiftiness i must play for parties... most of the reasoning to my question asking is just curiosity? but curiosity can be interpreted as something much more if your searching for it, or your just curious about it yourself. when is it appropriate to ask a question that seems so inappropriate in your mind?

hearts, li-ming

7:30am!!! DURING THE HOLIDAYSSS?

i've only had like 3 hours of sleep wait.. maybe 2 i don't actually remember, all i know is that i was RUDELY awoken at 7:30am cause some guy was here to fix my doors... and so as i moved out in my half awake state... i must have looked awkward.. BUT THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME i got out of bed without thinking bout how COLD IT WAS, it was pretty cool actually, if only i cold do that every day then i would never be late again. anyways now that the guys gone, my dads in my room "attempting" to fix a lock, i guess thats good cause you know gives him something to do.. but considering the minimal amount of sleep i had last night i don't i'll be very pleasant if he asks for my help.. I JUST WANNA DWELL IN MY MUSIC ALONE UNTIL IM AWAKEEEEE.. but until then i shall ramble on life's givings.
Well i guess the biggest of all news is that EXAMS are over and OMGSH is it a relief, although we have to start thinking bout next semester and the troubling subjects that await.. its still good. The last exam i had was french and i'm pretty happy with how it turned out.. although as predicted i hated having my exams so spread out:| I LOST INTEREST HALF WAY THROUGH and kinda slacked off thinking it was my holidays, but nonetheless i attempted everything so we'll have to wait and see. BUT every exam period i have an OBSESSIVE food-related craving, this semester i think it was over indulging in sugary coffee with its sugary goodness, providing many minutes of uncontrollable movement, but since exams are over i think i should lay off that stuff.. i don't wanna be an insane person... well no more than i already am...
so now we have arrived at what i will call my "freedom" period, although i'm highly free... i still don't know what to do and i still have other NON-UNI related stuff to take care of, slightly annoying but thats only cause i'm lazy and its kinda tedious
SO these holidays... I HAVE SO MANY THINGS I REALLY REALLY want to do, so many things, but if i count the amount of time i have... i have NO TIME TO DO IT which is a tad depressing. but TOP OF MY LIST WAS... TO DYE MY HAIR AGAIN so here are the two photos expressing my hair, my face and my eye bags:

wee i look kinda dead... to tell you the truth my face right now is like... stoned and expressionless.

TODAY hOWEVER.... I'm off to shoppo to do a bit of browsing with my limited money and to attempt to buy a few need items, such as face wash... and dry shampoo, which all costs so much i may also go myers and use up my gift voucher  cause i'm a poor little girl living off my parents...

ooo and ICE SKATING i really have the need to go now since im free i wanna practice my skating, i wanna get better... I WAAN BE ABLE TO DO CROSS OVERRs but all this costs money too, and its not helping that im splurging on items i dont need.. LIKE HEELSSSS WHY DID I BUY HEEELSSS? DUDE i DONT WEAR HEELS.... well i guess sit can joining my collection of shoes in my wardrobe. I NEED TO GO SPOTLIGHT... i have soo many craft ideas these holidays.. i guess it would be good to give my brain a break and push it further in the creative department. SPEAKING of creative department, GAMSAT round two next year, and i've decided to start studying now as i need TO ACE IT so for the "essay" bit (lol im doing more work than in vce, which is stupid cause if i tried this hard in vce i could have probs gotten into science straight and wouldn't be paying an extra $2000) im gonna write a short story or an essay-related piece atleast 2 times a month... LET THE CREATIVE JUICES FLOW!!! ok not now im just way too dead anyways WAY PAST 9 i should be in shoppo... walking there=] cause i have walked anywhere in a while, but this song is good... so 3 minutes then i'm going to go

REFLECTION IS A GOOD SONG.. people should sing it on a regular basis...

hearts, li-ming